Being myself

Hey yo~ I know I did not blog for quite a while, and yes, i do miss blogging. I was very active during my semester break but ever since my new sem started, i couldn't find time out for blogging, everyday is assignment,coursework, competition... design students work really really hard and is very stressful.

Lately I've been thinking, am I trying to hard to be myself? I really don't know, I feel like myself is fading away, I feel so lost. I had this dream few weeks ago and it is stuck inside my head until now. I couldn't remember the Major part of the dream but I remember someone accused me for something I did not do, I reply with just a happy smile and take all the blame. Then a guy walked up to me and say "你不要以为笑笑就可以抹掉一切，看看你心里深处就能发现你的痛苦" means: Don't think that if you smile you cover up your feeling, look deep inside you, you will see how hurt you are. Not only the dreams, even my friend told my to show what I feel. I remember talking to my senior the other day, she said she can read people, so I asked her to read me, this is what she said about me: You are a very happy girl,you don't show much of your feelings, you are pleasing people too much. Stop listening to other people.

I admit, I do hide my feelings, I don't really show what I really feel, but I think is not necessary to show it out cause no one really cares do they? They will just think I'm annoying and trying to attract attention. I've been like that every since I'm in High school. I don't know why but I always get haters without knowing them, they said I'm annoying and I'm like "Hey, do I even know you,i also didn't do anything to you". Is it just me thinking to much or I just so happen to have this " Annnoying Aura"??

I'm really lost, these days I've been like a crazy girl randomly laughing alone myself, but after a moment,i realize my face change, I start thinking,am I covering myself for something? what am I covering for? Why do I need to cover myself?

What should I do? I don't really know myself~

I know this is along boring post with no pictures, but i'm really confused and stress these days. Anyone can help? I doubt so, right? Cause this is my personal problem~
love,Babyelyon~